he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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