My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
