i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
