we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
