Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
