from now on my penis is your penis
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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