I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
