I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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