Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
