Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
