I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
