So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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