i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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