6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my being single is dangerous.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
