I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
