I want you more than these girls want KFC
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
