I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
