oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
