@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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