Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
