Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
