There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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