I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
