kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
