Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
