I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
