I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
