well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
