I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
