Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
