You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My ATM looks so different sober.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
