God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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