I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
