matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
