when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize