Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
