I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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