Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
