and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The uberlube is also flammable
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
