i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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