you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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