I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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