K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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