or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
