Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
