i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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