So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
