The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
