My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
