oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
