And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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