Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
