Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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