i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
