I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
