Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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