his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
