So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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