If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
