I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
