You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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