if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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