I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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