You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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