This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
