The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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