Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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