You made me cry and you don't even care
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
