another moral hangover. fuck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
