yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
