I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
