i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
