Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
