just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
