You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
