The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
