I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
