Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
