i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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