When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize