I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
