my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
